Charlene from Revere

# 1. From the city of Revere hails Charlene the beauty school drop-out who takes pride that she' never been goon-handed. A master in the art of tanning and conning Radio Cash Give-Aways Charlene baths in the bubble bath that is life and she’ll let you know it as she lights up a Newport. That Newport being provided by her girls Chelsea and Lynn as a tribute to Charlene’s ‘smarts’ that you just can’t get in Everett or Malden. Five months of hiding a pregnancy from Ma won't work with just spanx.

Charlene Marie Zapparoli-Pelletier

Charlene

Older version of Charlene

#2. Every item I craft for Sonkhonkett goes thru multiple iterations. I've made four Charlenes and this version is the third generation.

Charlene

Chelsea

#3. Friends with Charlene since Kindergarten when she stuck chewing gum in Charlene's hair, Chelsea is a loyal companion. Working shifts at the Lanzilotti's Pizzeria Chelsea does her best to make ends meet and is tough as nails around anyone who thinks they can mess with her. Except of course Charlene.

Chelsea

Chelsea

Lynn

#4. Part of the rat pack since she knew how to remove gum out of hair, Lynn is a nice gal. Preferring to remain quiet much of the time Lynn enjoys the fish and chips at the Soedoughnteye and secretly is a video game enthusiast.

Lynn

Lynn

Tommy McGarvey aka "The 617 Rage"

#5.Tommy McGarvey “has” a few buddies who are teamsters so he’ll be getting a job any day now. Those construction boots he wears might now look fitting. Still living with his mother Tommy, even after the move from Charlestown to Sonkhonkett, dedicates his time to make it big in rap world as "The 617 Rage." He hasn’t done a show yet but he’ll lay down some verses for you free of charge at the corner of Sonkhonkett Boulevard & Rumney street in front of the Miles Stand-ish Candlepins bowling alley.

Tommy McGarvey aka "The 617 Rage"

#6.[continues from previous slide] He started rapping on the "evils of Firemen." The asinine, contrarian stance was in response to NWA's "Fuck The Police." This gimmick fell short and now he preaches the wisdom of The Sonking Marsh Witch. Tommy will also venture into lineage specifically with his pops who’s doing his number at Walpole Correctional. “The king of kings” of Charlestown bank robbers Robert ‘Boots’ McGarvey is god to his son, never mind that ‘Slippery’ was only a humble paper-hanger.

Tommy

#7. [continues from previous slide] No man is a real man without his G-Sharp. Oh, is that ma? She wants you to fill her bowl with more of the generic brand Market Basket dog chow or as ma would word it “for the 11th fahcking millionth time don’t put the kibble on the counter I’m too old to jump that high!”

Dotty McGarvey

#8. Dotty, a native of Charlestown who had to flee the Ghengis Khan Hoarde of Yuppies, worked for the department for 35 years. What department that is no one truly knows. 18 years plug on the jug she swears by AA as she puffs on her 8th Marlboro Red. She loves her husband “Slippery”(doing time at Walpole), “a saint on earth he is.” Currently she is collecting a pension that Dotty describes ”only a man with short arms and deep pockets could make do with."

Dorothy Mary Gertrude McGarvey

#9. [continues from previous slide] She spends her time in front of the apartment barking at hooligans and ‘sluts who won’t cover their tramp stamps. Her son Tommy still resides with her and atleast is good for retreaving items from shelves.’ Yes, she’s part pitbull and I advise you never to refer to her as a bitch.

dotty2

Charlie Nolan

#10. Charlie is a born and bred Sonkhonkett man. He lays hardwood, does carpentry and roofs in the summer, ya know workin’ for a livin’. When not doing an honest day of labor you’ll find him at a Dunkin Donuts or one of Sonkhonkett waterholes like The Yankee Peddler or The Sodoenteye ranting the corner of how there couldn’t be no better athlete than Bobby Orr. Sitting there he’ll fill out the Keno cards with child like enthusiasm that this day they’ll hit his number.

Charlie

#11. [continues from previous slide] Charlie inherited a sizeable amount of triple deckers from his father and will take the first Tuesday and Wednesday off of each month, get into his ‘99 Ford Tempo after downing 4, 5 or 9 Narragansetts and collect rent from less than cooperating tenants.

charlie2_smaller

#12.[continues from previous slide] He might not know what the capital of Rhode Island is, ‘let the muckity mucks work it out, what do I know,” but he can hold a drivers license with 13 accrued DUI’s, not get caught ‘rummaging’ for copper pipes from houses and throws darts like….well Bobby Orr on pucks.

John "Scupps" Medeiros

#13. Scupps' father, João Medeiros looking to escape his pestering wife in the Azores took up fishing in Gloucester. On one of those lonely nights at sea he had his way with a cod and thus spawned an unwanted child, John ‘Scupps’ Medeiros. Following his father’s boat Scupps would cry out for his father, yearning for the love, affection and acceptance every child desires from their old man but Joao would have no doing with a reminder of his past desperate isolation.

Scupps

#14. [continues from previous slide] With all the efforts imitating his father, trying to get the pollock, mackerel and porgies into the nets Scupps had to come to terms that his mother was probably already served as a bacalhao dish, no fish would let him into their school and being a fishing partner with father were no use dreaming about. So the closest cut he could slice was to become a fish monger.

Scupps

#15. [continues from previous slide] Earning enough money to buy a truck Scupps now wanders the North Shore making the meager living of hawking second grade scrod. Drinking like a fish Scupps exists in the confines of an identity crisis/ abandonment depression. Nothing is more foreign to him than hope.

Lawrence Schimmel

#16. Lawrence Schimmel resides in a small weather-warned house with a front yard that’s more sizable at least in depth compared other properties in the neighborhood. This place is the only home he has ever had and now lives alone being that mother passed eleven years ago. Ms. Schimmel knew no way to raise a son than with yelling and beatings. Lawrence rarely left the house for the anticipation of a potential punishment was always looming

Lawrence Schimmel

#17. [continues from previous slide] and looming and at least being in her vicinity he knew that it would be enacted and thus be over with. Mother being abandoned by father when Lawrence was born had to operate a brothel down cellar to pay the mortage and bills. The house was always poorly lit and Lawrence would peek through the warped floor boards and reenact what he saw in the cellar with his dolls. This was his only means of processing the pain and isolation in his life.

Lawrence Schimmel

#18. [continues from previous slide] Trying to find employment was a hurdle and just being in a public a disaster. Now issued by the state of Massachusetts Mr. Lawrence J. Schimmel is a Class 3 Registered Sex Offender. Since he was caught molesting a fire hydrant Lawrence works as a programmer contracted by numerous telephone companies.

Lawrence Schimmel

#19. [continues from previous slide] Through his hacking skills and stolen equipment provided by Jasper Jenkins in exchanged for a gallon of diesel, paint thinner and a half a bottle of turpentine he is able to put money on MBTA (Massachusetts Bay of Transportation) Charlie Cards. This has made his house a reluctant destination for many residents of Sonkhonkett.

Jasper Jenkins

#20. Hailing from the Middle-American state of Missouarkaloma, Jasper has been thru the ringer of life. Sold into slavery by his paw-paw to a thistle farmer Jasper escaped after 5 years of grueling labor. Living a transient life he lost one arm due to stealing tears from a crocodile. Coping with help of inhalants, the turpentine sent him to Sonkhonkett to make bed next to the garbage barrels of Lawrence Schimmel's house.

Jasper Jenkins

#21. [continue from previous slide] Creating a symbiotic relationship with Lawrence, Jasper sells pills (or as well call them here beans) to drug fiends.This brings in customers that want free money placed on their Charlie Cards which Lawrence has the equipment to enact such. Lawrence is able to make some side cash without the deterence of the "sex offender" posters scaring folk off. Jasper gets a home for the mean time till the break fluid stench moves up the gulf stream.

Chuck Jonesboro

#22. Representing Sonkhonkett since 2010 Chuck has sailed the seas of legality. Can you trust him? Come on, look at that legitimate lawyer-face. I rest my case.

Chuck Jonesboro

Ronny Twatman aka DJ Cheesecake

#23. Sonkhonkett native who aspired to be the love child of Brucey Bruce and Casey Casem, Ronny dropped his EMD (Eastern Massachusetts dialect) and replaced it with morning zoo mediocrity. Hoping to make it big in Boston after interning for 8 years and working for another 17 for now we can all enjoy the "War of the Roses" bit for the 4th round this month on 107.8 THE MARSH.

Ronny Twatman aka DJ Chessecake

Mayor Vincent "Fins" Della Vecchia

#24. The great mayor of Sonkhonkett, "Fins" has swooped in like a shark taking a bite into all that is troubling the former world capital of paper clip and novelty vomit production. He's got a little gambling problem so let's see if Sonkhonkett will have a budget to build its 27th round-about.

Mayor Vincent "Fins" Della Vecchia

Clare and Conrad Yupperson

#25. Sonkhonkett has two new arrivals. Hailing from Concord, MA these yuppies yearned for a more cosmopolitan lifestyle to suit their more enlightened way of being. Sure they could of set up shop in Cambridge or Brookline but the real up-and-coming place is that rustic, sea salt-kissed North Shore hamlet. Little known tidbit the Yuppersons start off every morning masturbating to the fact they live in the last Victorian triple-decker built by Theodorius Martijn van der Snaggelpussendorp.

Officer Donny Wolfburg

#26. Sonkhonkett's Finest, Officer Wolfburg is all about the job. A sonking native that joined the Boston PD and then was "reassigned" due to occupational hazards. Sure he caused a 17 car pile up but that hoodlum was jaywalking. He's made camp at his aunt Dotty's to find the "big one." Always "coming in hot" Donny will enforce the law even if it means breaking a few (laws, trucks, babies, toaster ovens)

Officer Wolfburg

Officer Wolfburg.

#27. Lester "Squeaks" McCloskey coincidentally always pops out of nowhere when you're on smoke break. Yeah, he's getting that Newport. Being the only friend of Tommy Lester "squeaks" for The 617 Rage. This purpose of being a promoter of his god makes everything A-ok. When he's not running chores for Tommy in and out of the marsh, Squeaks is producing those "fire" beats for The Rage. He too could be a great DJ but Tommy is always first.

#28. Bernie & Beverly Smock are the product of focus, determination, and hard work. And that Bernie Jr inherited his father's goldmine of Bernie Smock's Ottoman Emporium. New England's leading supplier of all your footrest needs. They own a nice house in No. Sonk even to Beverly's chagrin of what she perceives "parlor invites in too much dryness." Bernie breaks his home life reliving his high school years w/ Ronny T. playing in the North Shore's 1985 leading Guns&Roses tribute band Guns&Needles.

charlene

This is the most current and fabulous Charlene.

charlie

Sonking Marsh Witch